Sweet… Thirty.

He couldn’t sleep. It’s midnight and he is just scrolling Instagram stories of celebs and friends – with awesome lives. Or awesome phone cameras.

But then he got tired of all those cool pics, and puts the phone away. Took a deep breath, cursed social media and logs into Twitter. Then finally, Facebook.

He has one unread message. From the girl he dated four years back.
Since the last four years, they were friends. Just friends. Just on Facebook.
Who look at each other's latest uploaded photos a little longer than they do for others.
Who annually wish each other on birthdays.
Last year she sent him a gif meme on Republic day as well. So that was a step up!

He wondered why do we wish someone on their birthdays. There is no achievement. Except that we survived another year.
If anything, it should be a day of mourning for we are a year closer to death. People should send condolences:  “ Oh! we are sorry for your loss!”

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The message was as dry as their current relationship.

Happy Birthday! enjy!!!

He didn’t feel happy. He certainly was not enjoying. Alone in that big leased apartment.
He had just turned 30 minutes ago.

Some years back he had an entirely different view of how he'd be at 30.

He always assumed he would be more sorted by the time he’d make three decades.
He thought he would be like his father.

He was 5 when his father was 30.

It felt safe with him. Big arms, in which he could sleep without a worry in the world.
His father knew everything, all about the alphabet and rhymes and constellations. He could easily spell words like umbrella and elephant.
But most importantly he brought him candies and toys that ran on batteries.

Today when he finally is that age, he doesn’t feel sorted. He is still scared of injections. He still finds it difficult to start a conversation.
And he does not know much about constellations.

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Every passing year, the number of people who called on his birthday kept declining. Today it was down to zero.
He has learnt over the years not to expect a lot from people. But he expected a few calls, from a few people.

Parents are old now. They are certainly asleep. They will probably call in the morning.

He has an elder brother. Since they were young, he was the one who made the day special for him. Arranged parties, gifts and all.

Even he didn’t call today.

Well, Bhai is a family man now... visits parents often with his wife and kid. Last year they had a big party on his nephew's birthday. He turned 5 then. Father brought her a car that ran on battery.

All the relatives were there - he obviously could not go due to work.

Now he feels envious. Of his five year old nephew.
He feels left out.

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Also, old and lonely.
And an old friend of loneliness is that bitch, nostalgia.

Few years back, that girl who wished him on Facebook used to wish him in person. Along with his dearest friends.
He remembered that year - in the first half of 20s, whose second half ended today.
She had organized a big get-together in the small room he lived then. She learned on Youtube and cooked his favorite Moong dal halwa. Best he ever had.
His friends had brought beer.

He has ordered some halwa today as well. While he is having it alone, he remembers that birthday when they ate together and laughed.  Good company makes cheap beer bring priceless moments.
Friends are why we celebrate such non consequential events. They bring happiness to birthdays. Also, beer. God bless them.

None of them called him today.

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He just finished watching that episode of FRIENDS when everyone turns 30. It was one of the funniest ones. In a scripted show, we find humor even in characters' despair. Everyone knows Rachel will eventually end up with Ross. Even though they fight and fight.

In real life, despair is what despair means. It brings only restlessness.

So he stood up and start walking in the big empty house. Then he went to the mirror to wash his face.
There he saw a half burnt candle in the corner.

He said to himself – fuck it! I am gonna do it on my own.

He dimmed the lights and lit the candle. then, blew on it and sang happy birthday to himself in the mirror.
Na na na… Na na.

The door bell rang. He thought it was in his head, but then it rang again.
He went and open the door.

“Surprise!”
.